i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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