I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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