Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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