Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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