we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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