my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize