Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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