I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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