His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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