Apparently you make a good broom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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