My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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