Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize