I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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