They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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