Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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