I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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