Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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