I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize