You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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