I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I supernannyed him into submission
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