So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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