its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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