When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize