I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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