he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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