i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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