Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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