The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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