so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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