So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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