she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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