Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize