Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize