I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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