He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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