so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she smelled like a LAN party
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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