it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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