i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize