I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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