Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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