i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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