So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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