dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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