It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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