just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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