He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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