If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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