someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize