Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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