Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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